8:19 p.m. - 07.30.2004
moment of delusion
Just got back from an audition. Yes, an audition. I saw this thing for an audition for a tv show in the building I work in. A really high quality one I'm sure. So I went just for the fun of it... When I got to the place for the audition, I had to fill out this sheet saying what my acting and modeling experience was. Both of which are - absolutely none. So I lied about them both. I also lied about my height and age. Ha! But alas, I was immediately rejected. It was a funny experience though.
I felt so uncomfortable - I am extremely shy and antisocial and nervous in front of people, so I had that going for me. And I was just wearing regular clothes and all the other girls there looked like they were going to the club. While we were in the room waiting for our name to be called, video of supermodels walking down runways was playing. So I'm watching that as I'm looking around the room at all these girls with their high heels and hoochie shirts, and I just started laughing. You could tell everyone was really uncomfortable, and trying to sit in a way where they wouldn't mess their hair and clothes up, and trying to talk in a way that wouldn't make any of their lip gloss come off.
I felt like they were all looking at me in pity or something because I didn't have French-tips on my tonails.
So some plucked-eyebrows dude called my name and I went back there expecting to have to read something (not that that would have fared me any better) but instead of that, they just looked at me, all these really tan women and gay guys shaking my hand and then one of them told me to walk. I was like "walk?". And they pointed to this long platform. Oh... they wanted my to walk the catwalk or whatever. Well... okay. What the hell? How is that an audition? As I walked over to the thing, wanting to shoot myself, they asked me if I had any experience, and I said "no, none" which was a slight contradiction to what I wrote on the sheet they had in front of them. Then I proceeded to walk like a model. But wait, I don't know how to do that, so... I just walked normally. I was sort of giggling and turning red.
Yeah it was a great ego-booster.
So when they were done torturing me, they sent me into this separate room with all the other girls who had just done the same thing (probably without the redness and giggling) and we talked about how much of a scam J. Ballard was, and how they have no idea what they're doing here either. Then a leathery looking lady came in and said "Okay, these people can go..." and my name was amoung those people. By "go" she meant "leave because you are worthless, ugly and untalented". I bet if I had a nice orange Oklahoma fake-tan they would have kept me. Or maybe if I wouldn't have sucked so much.
