11:42 p.m. - 09.02.2004
somewhere out of the middle
Jake's coming home. He's going on and on about how beautiful this island is he's at (he's at a weeklong family reunion thingy) and how there's a salty sea air breeze and all I am thinking is about how bad it's going to be when he gets back now. I know when he gets here, he will go back to hating Oklahoma, hating the people, the weather, the fact that he thinks there's nothing to do, his job, his classes, his life, etc. Now he's going to come back to the house and sit at his computer constantly and say he doesn't feel good or is tired all the time. And I will be able to see the soul being sucked from him.
I would like to think that once he gets out of the stupid military, and gets away from the job where he's everyone's bitch, and moves somewhere out of the middle of the country, that then he would be happy. But that's probably not the case. It's always like "well if only I had this, then I would be happy". But it's just replaced by something else. That's the way it works. I think he's very lonely, but yet wants to be alone all the time, and very unhappy with his life sitting in front of a computer, but yet wants to sit there all the time. Maybe he's addicted to suffering or something. I really don't think that I am an emotionally happy enough person to continue to deal with this, though.
I am a bad person. Someone should assassinate me.
