9:13 p.m. - 02.19.2005
stop asking me to do things
I'm a bad person. Last weekend, at my party, a friend of mine that I used to work with that I haven't seen in forever said he was having a birthday party for his son this weekend. He asked if I would go and I said I would. Then I asked when it was and he said something like they're meeting at 8:30 in the morning on Saturday (today) and taking a bus somewhere. I don't know.
Anyway... I forgot about it until like 5:30 this morning (I had been up all night doing homework) and I was dead tired and ready to go to sleep, and I was like "Crap!" and knew I couldn't stand a whole day of hanging out with a bunch of people I didn't know if I didn't at least get some sleep. So I thought I'd take a little nap. Yeah, that always works. So then I woke up at 11am. And... I'm a piece of crap.
Fortunately his kid wouldn't care whether or not I was there. I think maybe I'll stop by tomorrow with a lil present or something and explain that I was asleep. I'm sure he'll only secretly hate me.
My whole friendship with this person is about me feeling guilty for not doing something I said I would do. I wish he would just stop asking me to do things that I didn't really want to do, and then making it seem like it's really important that I do them. He wanted me to illustrate this children's book he wrote. Something about vegetables. But I have so much schoolwork that I just don't feel like doing more of the same kind of thing. No, god that's really not it I guess. Like I said, I'm just a horrible, terrible person. Seriously though, who has a damned birthday party at 8:30 in the morning??
I've really trying to overcome that horrible panic I get when I've told someone I'd do something, and then at that precise moment that I'm supposed to do that thing, all I want to do is sit there in my sweatpants. I've been pretty good about just getting off my ass and actually not being flakey. Not that I have so many offers to do things that I could be flakey very often. But then I realized that I'm not flakey if it's someone I actually like hanging out with. I like this person, but he puts me on the spot and guilts me into doing things, or at least into saying I will do them.
I've drawn pictures for him. Okay just one, but it took me months with colored pencil. He didn't pay me for it, by the way. I also painted a mural on his kid's room. No payment. His psycho baby momma did key my car while I was there painting it though, so that was cool. Oh and I went to his kid's birthday party a couple years ago at this science center where they have one of those dome theatres in it that they waste by showing documentaries instead of something cooler. Anyway, it was about 3 below in that theatre I remember. I sat alone. Oh, and I was the only white person there. And the only adult that didn't have a kid. And the only one without a present for his kid. Lots of fun. Though I did get to pet a stingray. Her name was Norma.
I haven't turned on my phone all day out of fear. Seems like if my phone's turned off, I'm kinda not responsible for calls I miss. Plus there's always that chance people might think I'm dead or something. Whereas if my phone is on, I've at least been alive recently enough to charge my phone. Sorry, guess my phone has finally gone dead after lying next to my rotting corpse this whole time.
Can I just live in a cave somewhere and wear sweatpants constantly?
