12:45 a.m. - 02.09.2019
I had a strange, semi-adventurous day today. Had to meet a coworker about some corn seed dudes conference at a hotel downtown. And I never go downtown, so I was like, “Hey, you should walk around downtown, me!”
Only thing is that I wasn’t very prepared to walk long distances in the winter cold. Had on a light jacket, the shirt I slept in, these gigantic weird bell bottom jeans and equally gigantic white platform shoes, which I wear because if I don’t wear tall shoes with these jeans they become two denim leg trains.
I don’t know why, but every time I wear these white shoes, like multiple people ask me how I clean them. They’re really really concerned about the cleanliness of these shoes. I guess it’s becaise they’re so big? I think if they were just regular sized shoes that were all white no one would even notice. But white heels aren’t *easier* to clean than these shoes. Neither are white tennis shoes. So what they really are thinking is something about them being impractical, I think. White platform shoes, I mean I’m crazy! Really out there!!
This is the danger of me going from living in California to bring back in the Midwest. The smallest deviations blow people’s minds. Then again, I guess I do WANT to be noticed, so why am I complaining?
What? Oh yeah. Walking. The shoes hurt, that’s all I was trying to say. And eventually my feet hurt enough and I was frozen enough that I just went inside whatever place was right next to me, which happened to be a dive bar that had nice people in it, one of which served me a chicken sandwich.
Always interesting to see the people in a dive bar in the middle of a week day. Are you an interesting person, a very boring person, or a weird pedophile? WHO ARE YOU. There was a couple there. An older couple. They both had 2 beers and played pinball and then left by 2pm. None of that is weird but it’s also SO weird in a way. No?
I think I forgot how to write in an honest way. I’m always stunting about myself and my feelings, but it’s for a social media audience. It always takes their level of understanding or they’re attention span limitations into account. And it’s always trying to entertain and get feedback. It’s disgusting, really. I hate who Facebook turned me into. I was a better person before it existed.
Maybe I wasn’t. But I was less (openly) self-absorbed.
There’s too much to say, I don’t even know where to start. I am a mix of really content with my life right now, and completely freaking out that I have not/will not contribute anything meaningful to society. Or even to my family. I think I’ve really ensured a future in which the best I can hope to be useful is being harvested for organs.
But we’ll see.
Oh! I’m also illustrating a funny fake children’s book with my friend. I’m excited about it in the hopes it will get me in track to do more stuff like that. Books and writing and publishing, I mean.
Time to put ear plugs in and lay here until I can stop thinking about Cabrini Green or the Fourth Political Theory or Pewdiepie vs. T-Series or whatever other topic I read 2 words about today. I’m obviously addicted to the internet. Night!