11:26 p.m. - 02.09.2019
midwestern apocalyptic nightmare
I think I’m trying to recapture the old me. Or the old internet. The one that was for nerding out on your weird interests that people IRL didn’t wanna hear you autistically drone on about constantly.
At some point, gradually, without me realizing it, I developed a second version of me (mostly on Facebook). And it wasn’t a character, or a way to talk about my obsession with Michael Jackson or pugs. It was just me. My name and my face and my life, except the fantasy version of it where I’m beautiful and prolific and famous. I think I even believed in my own fake me for awhile. So gross.
It’s hard getting out of the mindset that an audience should read my thoughts and see what I’m wearing or what I’m making. Every time I see something beautiful or do something interesting or make anything at all, my first thought is, “MUST POST THIS”.
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Unrelatedly, it was my little sister Geri’s 21st birthday today. We started drinking and doing shots at noon. Ended up going to Fast Eddie’s, aka Midwestern Apocalyptic Nightmare Eddie’s. My God. Just a sea of humanity in hoodies and baseball caps. I purposely wore shiny rainbow shoes as a subtle protest.
I guess I just talk about my shoes now. That’s what defines me. What a meaningful life!
